From Family Life to Focus on the Family - The Back Story

Two weeks from today, I take a leave of absence from Family Life, just a few short weeks from entering my 4th year serving with them! Wow how times flies! I’m heading for Colorado and a new season in life. I’m trilled, I’m scared, I’m following His lead and I have peace!

Many of you have asked for the back-story on how I’m going from Family Life to Focus on the Family, so here it is (as condensed as possible!). For the past 6 months, the Lord has been stirring in my heart – creating a holy restlessness that I could not shake. Every time I would bring this ‘stirring or restlessness’ before the Lord, He would tell me to just seek Him and to begin getting ready for the next thing He had for me – though I had absolutely no idea what it was. Several close friends and mentors spoke into my life and they all said the same thing. The scary part was that those words of wisdom lined up directly with the passages of scripture that I would often open up to in my Bible. Passages such as this one, talking about the Lord’s calling and how He was going to declare something new:

"I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness. I am the LORD; that is my name! I will not give my glory to another or my praise to idols. See, the former things have taken place and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you." Isaiah 42:6-9

Everywhere I turned this spring the Lord was pricking my heart. To my intense frustration I could see the Lord moving in my life but could not discern what He was doing. For example, in March, while signing up for fall classes, I felt the Lord saying ‘Don’t. You’re just wasting your time, you wont be here for classes this fall.’ Well I shook my head, cleaned my ears out, and signed up for fall classes. Oh me of little faith! I had a good laugh at myself last week when I called and canceled classes at the community college!

After countless God nudges, and beseeching Him for wisdom and understanding,(when the only answers I would get were – continue to seek ME). I finally just said ok! I don’t get this, but I’ll file all these things away Lord and some day look back and say – Ah ha! Well today I look back and can say Ah ha! I now see where He was lining everything up!

During vacation out west in May, I spent a lot of time, arguing/praying/wrestling with the Lord. I was sharing my frustrations in regard to the ‘restlessness’ with my friend Christine the following conversation took place :

Christine: “what is it you want to do with your life? What are your dreams?

Me (looking a little aghast): “well continue in full time ministry! But I’m already in full time ministry!”

Christine (this was the question that changed everything): “if Family Life wasn’t in your life what would you do?”

Me (Without blinking an eye): “I would go to Focus on the Family!”

Christine: “well why don’t you?”

Me: “Cause they would never take me! – I love my job here.”
(I had never spoken the dream aloud of going to Focus on the Family – not even sure where that answers came from!)

For the next two months the “what about Focus” thought was always niggling at the back of my brain. It took me that long to get up the courage to even go ask them for more information. When I finally emailed them and asked for information on the Focus Leadership Institute, it was more for my peace of mind than anything else. I told myself – I’m just knocking on this door, it’s not like I’m walking through it!

I soon found out that I did not meet their requirements. I was relieved in a way, but also really and strangely disappointed! I was told to apply anyway and who knows? So I applied, and told the Lord, that by human standards, it was impossible in everyway for me to go, but if He wanted me to go, I would know it, based on the fact if I got accepted or not.

They only accept juniors and seniors in college, with over 45 credits and high GPA’s. I only have 13 credits (with a 4.0 GPA) and am technically still a freshman in college. By God’s grace, Focus’s admission board voted unanimously to make an exception an exception for me so that I could attend this fall’s semester!

I’m reminded that it is ALL Him!

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.” 2 Cor 4:7

I found out I was accepted 5 weeks before the semester started and a few days before our busiest few weeks of the year at Family Life. To say life got interesting is an understatement!

I was tremendously excited but also wrestled with the Lord a lot too! Regarding my new apartment and finances. If I went to Focus on the Family, it would be an unpaid internship with them, meaning I would step out and live on 100% support until after Christmas. The Lord’s response? – “Do you trust me? Or just say you do?” Mark Batterson says that real faith is stepping out so far that if God doesn’t come through, you are in big trouble. I’m stepping out far! Here I come Lord!

A dear friend once told me if it was God’s will, it was God’s bill. He has proved that to me every step of the way. He only wants my obedience and unconditional surrender. I have watched God provide for me like never before in crazy ways and perfect timing through His people. Whether it’s a check in my mailbox or providing someone to sublet me apartment, my jaw hurts from hanging open, as I watch Him make everything fall into place. In His perfect timing not mine!

A week after I had faxed in all my paper work in, I got an email from Focus saying they are missing a letter from me regarding my financial assistance application. I panicked because I was on the road for the next 4 days with work, I wrote the letter in the car and got it to them as soon as I could. A few days later I was awarded with a half scholarship!!! But the amazing part was the timing, - funds had just become available to them, two days earlier. If my letter had gone in when it was supposed too, they wouldn’t have been able to give me a scholarship. Once again, God proves it’s all His doing and not mine!

I’m a sad to say ‘so long’ to all of my dear friends and teens here, but am very excited to see why the Lord is so bent on sending me west!
He is truly who He says He is and will do what He says He will do!

So my friends, with heart that is full of dreams and a little bit of crazy - it is time for me to say good bye and follow love! The love of my Lord!



The old FFH song 'Follow Love'

I'm gonna miss the simple town full of memories
I'm gonna miss just hanging out with all my friends
The rainy days and summer nights
Skipping stones by the river side
But i know.. its time to go

So heres goodbye heres so long
I must go and follow love
I feel my heart moving on
I must go and follow love
Carry on while I'm gone
This is what i've been dreaming of
I miss you so
But i must go, go and follow love

I've got a heart thats full of dreams
and a little bit of crazy
I can feel it pulling me to somewhere i have never been
I'm packing up and leaving home
To travel into the great unknown
Its time, i have to go

Hot Air Balloons

Yesterday, while running the Kid’s Carnival at Spedie Fest, I escaped for a few minutes to grab a bite to eat and try to find some sanity. It happened to be during the time they were getting ready to launch all of the hot air balloons. I sat in awe as lighthouses and ladybugs were blown up a mere 50 feet from where I was sitting. As I sat there the Lord started to show me that we are a lot like those hot air balloons. I love how He gives me illustrations when He’s trying to drive a point home!

Like the balloons we are created with all the potential we will ever have in the Lord. Everything we need to serve Him. We are born with it. “For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Eph. 2:10 But it’s up to us how much we will allow the Lord to fill us with His presence. The Ladybug balloon in particular, was having a bit of trouble getting off the ground because she wasn’t filled with enough helium.

How often am I like that? Filled with just enough of the Lord to skim the treetops, but not enough to really soar? It’s good at the tree line, but there can be a lot of snags and the view from the clouds is so much better! So why do we not soar?

We don’t soar cause it’s painful to get there! The Lord has to cleanse the “me” out us first! (or at least the me out of me!) In order for a balloon to lift off the ground an intense fire in the bottom of the balloon heats up the helium. Without enough heat and air it won’t get very far off the ground.

How much is that like the refining fire of the Lord in our lives? He takes out and burns up the junk (and even the good) in life to make room for the best.

How high are we willing to soar? Are we barely getting of the ground or still in our boxes? Although I can complain and whine in that refining fire, I do want to see the view from the clouds and be used and filled to the potential God created me to be!

May we all “… be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Eph 4:19 And soar in whatever weird shape He created us!

Itchy Scars

Burning, nagging, random itch, where do you come from? Anyone who has broken a bone or had a deep wound knows that randomly the scars itch. Sometimes the area is over worked, other times it's the weather, or maybe nothing at all - but years later, long after the wound is completely healed, it still itches. So it is with emotional scars. Today, a heart scar which the Lord healed, itched. I was ticked! What was this? Why? The Lord brought peace and healing to this area of my life, where did this come from & why was this bothering me? I was SO over this! He had healed that wound.

The refrain from a Point of Grace song started running through my head -

"Heal the wound but leave the scar, a reminder of how merciful You are..."

It's funny how He heals, yet leaves the scar! I realized, when I look at my itchy scars - I'm tempted to remember the pain, and dwell there- not remember His mercy and healing! The scars are supposed to be our memorial stones of His goodness- what He brought us through and taught us! They are part of His "working all things together for good".

The "itch" also keeps us real, and keeps us seeking His face!

Thank you Lord for the mercy in my scars.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sXt3RU_1do&feature=related

Half a Glass of God

Why is it that we only want a just a half a glass of God? Or maybe only $3 worth? We only want enough of God to save us, and enough to make us comfortable. Not enough of Him to make our cup run over. Just enough of God, so we can control Him. Perhaps just enough to get into Heaven 'by the skin of our teeth'? Wilbur Reese depics it well:

"I'd like to buy $3 worth of God please.

Not enough to explode my soul or distrub my sleep.

But just enough to equal a cup of warm milk or a snooze in the sunshine

I don't want enough of Him to make me love a black man or pick beets with a migrant.

I want ecstasy not transformation.

I want the warmth of a womb not a new birth.

I want a pound of eternal in a paper bag please.

I'd like to buy $3 worth of God, please!"

Why is this? We only let Him into parts of our lives, but not all? Why do we all want to settle for the least bit of God we can? At least I know I do. Or I did. I did until I started praying stupid prayers. They were stupid prayers (from a selfish perspective) because they moved me out of my comfort zone and changed my life! For me they sounded like "God make me hungry for You", "Please give me the will to want to serve and follow You not just the,' Lord help me do' ", "Please let me see this person or situation through Your eyes, and love them with your unconditional love...", "Use me" ... These most certaintly brought a lot of DIScomfort to my life and they will to yours too! But they were SO worth it! It may be uncortable but you feel ALIVE and you get to see God move! He becomes real. $3 of God is not enough to satisfy anymore. Aren't we supposed to hunger and thirst after righteousness?

I don't know about you, but when I'm comfortable in what I know of God, I stop seeking Him and I get sleepy! Sleepy and content people are exactly where the devil wants us. The Lord calls us to an abundant life. If His words are life shouldn't we be seeking them/Him with every bit of energy we have?

There is also another kind of stupid prayers, we say and sing them all the time in church. "Lord please let Your glory rain down..." What do you think would happen if God's glory rained down on a typical sunday morning service? Do we mean these words or grasp what the impication of them would be in our lives?

I've been praying a lot of stupid prayers lately. Sometimes I feel the Lord doing so much in my heart; my brain can't keep up and it's only making me want more of Him. It's like having spiritual growing pains. Well any miserly loves company; so I dare you to come on this journey with me! If you're brave, pray a stupid prayer and mean it! Watch God move and work in your life like never before.

I think if any of us are honest with ourselves for just a minute we'll realize there is so much more than the life we are living. Or at least in some area's of our lives. If you are living the abundant life, than you know everytime God shows you something, you realize there is so much more to learn. This trully becomes the adventure of a life time!

So I dare you - pray a stupid prayer with me today!

Falling in love with - JESUS ?!??

Crazy idea, right? At least I thought so! This blog is for my girls specifically, but I’d love to get guys feed back as well! A few weeks ago I gave a talk on modesty and purity to a group of wonderful teen and pre teen girls. During the talk I briefly mentioned something about how before they found husbands and boyfriends, my prayer for them was to fall in love with Jesus first. Well what does falling in love with Jesus entail exactly?

I think I was around 15 when I first heard of the concept of falling in love with Jesus. I was very skeptical at first. Jesus was God, not some guy for you have a crush on. But it sounded good to want to love Jesus first before I truly loved a guy so I started praying that it would happen for me.

Ok, well what does that look like? I knew you could have a deep Philo (brotherly love) for the Lord, but an Eros (romantic) love? Nah! I didn’t really like emotional stuff and much preferred knowing the Lord on an intellectual level. I wasn’t at all convinced until it happened to me! I knew there were scriptures about the Lord being my husband, and that was cool and all, but um, I sorta wanted a man with skin on. You know?

It’s possible for even skeptics to fall in love! For each of you, it’s going to look different. We don’t all fall for the same type of guys; neither will you fall for the same things about the Lord. I like dark, clean-cut guys with a sense of humor; my friend goes for the skateboarding, or slightly disheveled, artsy types. So it’s like with the Lord (well I have no idea if he’s clean cut or artsy) but you know what I mean! I think I first started falling in Love with the Lord, when I realized what a unique sense of humor He had (aside from the fact that He created me). His faithfulness to me also draws me to Him. What is it for you? What character trait do you love about the Lord?

So where does the Eros (romantic) love come in? It comes in when I see the most beautiful waterfall and my heart skips a beat, as I thank Him for it. Or when I’m praying and telling the Lord, I just need a re assurance of His love and I drive around the corner and there is the biggest sand dune I have ever seen and the words from Psalms pop into my head – ‘How great are Your thoughts to me oh God, how great is the sum of them, if I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand…” It’s all about the personal relationship with Him. If you let the Lord, He will literally woo (romance) you to Himself.

Love is the feeling, which bubbles up in your heart as you worship, or the restless, unease you feel when you haven’t spent time with Him. It’s the need to carve out time for “Date nights with Jesus” in my schedule.

Girls, I didn’t understand what love meant in human romantic relationships until the Lord, showed me what it meant by falling in love with Him first! It’s a lot easier to recognize “true love” when you’ve been taught how to love by the Creator of true love! Do I still want a man with skin on? Absolutely! But now that I know what love means, I’m a whole lot more ‘picky’ and the waiting is so much easier.

Don’t hold out for a perfect man. They don’t exist; they are just as much of sinners as we are! But hold out for a man that loves Jesus more than you do and will try his best to love you the same way the Lord loves you!

God created men and woman to complement each other, not complete each other. Our culture has that mixed up! Asking a guy to complete you and fill that need in your life to be unquestionably, accepted and loved, is a lot of pressure for guys! & Very unfair of us to ask them to fill an area of our heart that only the Lord can!

If you’re already in a relationship, you know relationships take work. Well so does a relationship with the Lord. It must be cultivated. He will woo you, but you in turn must respond and spend the time getting to know Him. The awesome part about falling in love with Jesus is, there is always another side or depth of Him to experience and know. You’ll never be bored! Once you experience His love, you can then love other people completely in return!

May you know what it feels like to fall in love with Jesus, before you fall in love with a man!

'Da Funk'

Ever have just “one of those days”? I call them the 'da funk' days. You wake up and sometimes for no reason you’re in a bad funk. Just feelin off. Well today is one of those days for me. I woke up in a funk! Not just a little funk but a big ole FUNK. I woke up questioning/complaining/arguing with the Lord about a certain area of my life. Not a great way to start the day FYI! And I’m not supposed have funk days! Especially not funk days when I’m apart of the ministry team at Creation Fest. Knowing that this especially was not the time to have ‘da funk’, only made ‘da funk’ worse!

I'm so glad that our God is still Lord of ‘da funk’ days too! I’m writing this blog sitting on a hillside watching several thousand people worship below me. Kinda hard to have a pity party with that happening. I claimed a spot of grass and the Lord and I began talking. Well it’s more like I’ve been repenting and listening! I’m at a point in my life where I have way more questions than I do answers. I want to know the why behind everything not just the what. I see God moving in my life and I want to know why He’s doing it or not doing it. The last few weeks the Lord’s been asking me to just seek Him. Not seek the answers. All my prayers have been- Lord, please give me wisdom and discernment here! But rather than the answers He’s asked me ‘ Katie, am I not wisdom? Am I not discernment? Seek Me’. But Lord, I want PRACTICAL answers! I want things I can physically DO! Tangible things, not just seeking You!

Wow, I’ve realized that somewhere inside of me there is still an argumentative, spoiled 2 year old! The Lord wants me to seek His face and leave the why’s and what’s to Him; and my response is complaining and getting into a funk over it? - insert dirty rotten sinner here –

The Lord’s patience with me astounds me! The goodness of the Lord, truly does lead men to repentance. This is the scripture I opened up to this morning:

“Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this:He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him….” Psalm 37:2-7

The bolded words leapt off the page at me, as the Lord once again reminded me to seek Him first. I wanted something tangible to do... waiting on the Lord is definitely an action!

Even in ‘da funk’ the Lord reminded me to once again to lay the questions down and seek His face, along with the gentle promises of granting the desires of my heart, as my desires morph into His. What a loving personal God we serve! Once I surrender, repent and seek His face ‘da funk’ is suddenly gone!

Calvary's Love

I was recently asked to write a short essay on my favorite quotation and how it had impacted my life.

"There is a lot of quotes that have challenged me over the years, but I think the one that has impacted me the most is from Amy Carmichael.

' “If the praise of other elates me, if the blame of others depresses me, if I love to be loved more than to give love, if love to be served more than to serve, If I can not rest when I am misunderstood without defending myself- than I no nothing of Calvary’s Love”'.

The last line is what grips me – ‘than I know nothing of Calvary’s Love’. I love people and in certain areas struggle with people pleasing. When I’m striving to gain approval from people, I’m striving to fill a need only the Lord can fill. I want to be so secure in the Lord’s love for me that I don’t need man’s approval in order to be validated. When I grasp different aspects of what Calvary’s Love means in my life, I weather life’s storms a lot better! I’ve realized I will never find a love that completes me in human relationship, be it platonic or romantic. The Lord’s love for me is the only one that meets the deep need I/we have to be loved.

Not desperately searching for relationships or things to fill that need, has freed up so much time and energy! I’ve tried to take the time and energy and use it to minister to people by showing them what Calvary’s Love means to me. To me Calvary’s Love is security, it’s peace, it’s forgiveness, it’s a challenge, it’s service, it’s way more than I can ever understand. Every time I get to a place where I think I know what it means, the Lord calls me deeper or shows me another side and meaning of that love. It’s exciting and all encompassing and I want more of it! In order for me to be an effective leader or witness for Christ, I must first grasp what His love means."

So how about you? What are your favorite quotes and how have they challenged you?

Perfection

Perfection. Does it haunt you? Is it something you strive for but can never obtain? Is it the inner drive which propels you to be the best you can be and do the best you can do? Or does it rule you and stifle you because you can never measure up?

Does it push you to excellence?

Perfectionism can be your greatest strength or your greatness weakness. The more I learn about myself and observe other people the more I realize you need a balance in every character trait. Good things taken to the extreme can in the end be a detriment. (I'm not saying be complacent and luke warm - be passionate - but don't let the means over rule your end goal. In this case, the end goal is to be like Christ.) I don't know what to call this inner need or drive we have toward perfectionism. It seems some people have very little of it, while others are consumed by it.

Recently a friend shared he struggled so much with wanting to be able to do everything to perfection that in the end he does nothing at all because he can never measure up. I struggle with that too. I can't do it so why try? Why try? Because we can learn and by learning can give God the glory! When we fall flat on our faces - we no longer obstruct people's view of the Lord's glory! We are out of the way and where He can use us. He doesn't want our perfectionism - He wants our hearts.

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1. Cor 10:31
"And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men" Col. 3:23
He wants us to do everything to our best- for His glory and to honor Him. But sometimes I think our standards are higher than His! He simply asks for our hearts and our all, not our perfection! While praying about this the Lord led me to this scripture and it really rocked my world for a few days :
"To all perfection I see a limit; but your commands are boundless." Psalm 119:96
He tells us our perfection has boundaries and hinders us in life! But His commands are boundless and they ARE life.
"It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy." Rom. 9:16 He also says;
"But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." Matt. 9:13 Non of us can measure up. Ever. If we could we would negate the very reason and purpose for Christ coming!

Does perfectionism rule you or do you use those tendencies to push yourself to work heartily as unto the Lord? When used correctly perfectionism can be channeled to produce excellence in character and work that reflects the Lord glory.

Perfectionism- To rule you or to reflect Him? That is the question.

Blooming?

I wrote this blog with my teenage girls in mind. This is for you - all of my beautiful, blooming, girls - budding with life!

I have a fetish desire to touch and smell unfamiliar flowers! I was the child who always came in with a yellow tipped nose from flower pollen (and shhhh…. I still do!). I recently came back from a road trip where I was in 10 different states near the west coast. I saw, took pictures of (and stuck my nose in!) hundreds of different flowers in the desert and mountain plains. As I observed the unique flowers in the various climates, I noticed they had one thing in common – they all blossomed in the harshest of conditions. There were no sculpted, fertilized or raised flowerbeds out there. These flowers bloomed and grew from the parched, hard and cracked desert ground or from the fierce windblown mountainside cliffs.

As I observed this the Lord starting showing me that our lives are like these flowers. Regardless of what got us to the rough places we walk through in this life (be it personal or stupid choices, a calling, or something that happened to us beyond our control) we all go through the rough places.

What do you do in the rough place? Do you lie dormant hoping for the gentle rain to come along and change your circumstances of hard ground? Do you give up and give in to sin, bitterness, frustration, anger, pity, and perfectionism? And by doing so die in the cracked, unforgiving ground? Or do you blossom and bloom anyway? Despite the circumstance of your life do you allow the Lord to use those hard winds to prune you till your blooming with all the brilliance He designed and created you to? Maybe you’ve bloomed and tried to allow the Lord to mold and use you in these times but you’re getting dusty, the wind has tarnished and dulled your blossoms to a dull shadow of what you used to be. You blend in with the hard backdrop rather than brilliantly shining with your glorious hue of colors.

Where are you at today? Where do you need to be and what do you need to do to get there?

The Lord does not call into account our circumstances – He judges on how we react to them. Time is precious, we can’t waste it dying or being dormant, waiting for things to change. The Lord has only given us today to bloom for Him. Are you reflecting His glory in your life?

Vegas Girls Night

What happens when 3 goody two shoes girls go to Vegas for a night? – We have good, clean, no regrets-in-the-morning, fun of course! Although Jennee and I did get picked up! ;) – see story below! I’ve flown in and out of Vegas a lot but have never stayed or done anything. I had a blast driving through Vegas in all the traffic – though it was slightly nerve racking on the strip and I turned a the wrong way once! Christine is once again a great na

vigator. Jennee Klos (an old friend) was able to meet us and we stayed in the Paris Las Vegas. It was an awesome hotel. Everything was in replica of Paris- complete with the Eiffel Tower.

We had a great time getting all dressed up and ate a fancy meal on a balcony over looking the Bellagio Fountains. Working with teenagers I don’t get many chances to really get all dolled up – what a blast!!

We walked around and saw a lot of the cool arictecture, culture, fountains and flowers! Our hotel even had the ceilings painted like the sky and stone cobbled floors! We visited Caesar’s Palace too. The funniest thing that happened though was Jennee and I literally got picked up by several guys! Christine was back in the hotel room (she says she can’t ever leave us alone!) and Jennee and I were out walking around. The sky walks were p

acked so we decided to try to cross the strip - 8 lanes of traffic later and we realized the side walk on the other side was fenced off! We are all dressed up in little black dresses and heels mind you- the taxis are beeping at us and we can’t really climb this fence/wall. Quite a funny picture in retrospect. Well we’re walking along and these two guys see us & say hey! You shouldn’t be down there and without further ado reach down pick us up over the fence. Dresses and all! We were both startled but glad to be off the road.

They were nice guys but disappointed we weren’t going there way! realized I wasn’t in Kansas anymore!