The Awkward Pause

Stop for a minute and think about the word awkward. It EVEN sounds awkward! Awkwardness sometimes amuses me – awkward situations happen all the time to people and are often funny or ironic when you think through the situations afterwards.

It’s funny up until you ARE the Awkward Pause.

This happened to me this past weekend. I was home visiting friends and family for Easter and Sunday night most of the people from the small group I was in a few years ago got together. It was a wonderful time of laughter, fellowship and catching up - then the conversation turned to everyone’s spouses, (& now children!), boy friends or girl friends. Pictures and stories were swapped as the group talked about how so many things had changed in last few years. This was all great until one of the guys looked around the room and said, ‘wow, look at all of us, paired up in relationships and in that next phase of life!’ – then he saw me and said – ‘well everyone, but Katie’ – Big awkward pregnant pause!

He didn’t mean it in a bad way, but once said, no one knew what to say next. My life had just become that awkward pause. I laughed it off and said something to the effect of ‘ it was ok, God just has me in a different season of life and that I was truly happy for everyone else’. I then quickly changed the subject before I became the object of single’s pity, or before they could suggest every man between 19–30 they could think of to set me up with.

I thought about this conversation for most of my 2 hour drive home. Two of my closest girlfriends in the group just started seriously dating & growing up we had always joked we would go on triple dates together, and even marry 3 brothers! We would do this season together. I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy to watch them, it isn’t. I’m not sure I like the saying “to love & have lost is better than to never have loved at all” – when you lose a love, you remember everything that goes with it when you watch your friends. But I am truly happy for them!

Here is where the awkward pause comes in again. I can pause right here and mope around in this awkward stage & bemoan the fact that God's ways & timings aren’t mine. * Or I can keep moving forward, laugh at the irony and rejoice in what God has for ME in this season, not what He has for everyone else. I want to make the very most of this season in my life, and learn everything I possibly can from it.

Yes, there are times in life when you need to “wait and rest” in the season the Lord has you in. – But waiting on the Lord, is an action, it’s not passive complacency! I choose to serve the Lord now in this time! He has ordained specific works ahead of time that I should walk in them. (Eph. 2:10) He has given me peace, when I can best serve Him, with someone, He’ll bring someone. I will not be an awkward pause!! He came so we can have life abundantly! – NOW ☺

He has us in every season of life, right where He wants us – in the places where we can bring Him the most praise and glory.

How about you? Any awkward pauses in your life lately? A stagnant job, relationships, worry… What is causing you to be a pause instead of a praise?

*- Yes, I know I’m only 23, and no, this isn’t a mid 20’s crisis…


Dear Grandpa,
I miss you SO much! I know you have been gone for about a month and a half but I missed you in a huge way tonight. I was on my way home to see Mom for the weekend, and that's normally when I would call you. I cried for awhile! How long will I keep reaching for the phone to call and tell you something? I am so thankful you are out of pain - I wish I could see you gloriously transformed! oh but I do miss you so much! I had some good news I wanted to tell you about today. God healed my heart!!! It's been a long journey of pain since my break up & you were there for me every step of the way! I can't even remember how many times I called you crying or for advice on relationships! I could talk to you about anything and I appreciated that more than words can say. I miss our relationship talks! You always had good advice and were a great listener and comforter! The good news was that I have been praying for so long to get passed this pain that has been lingering on (it's been a long 7 months!) and someone how last week, God answered my prayers and just reach down & poof! The ache is gone. I'll always love him, he was my first love, but God made room for someone else. I can't wait to see who that will be & whom God will bring into my life! I wish I could share this with you!!! My biggest regret is that you won't be at my wedding someday! You wont walk Grammy down the aisle and sit up front in the place of honor, & I won't be able to look back at you & share of private smile of triumph! I wanted to be able to share that moment with you for a long time! When that time does come though I will be thinking of you! & all the talks we have had on how to have godly relationships since I was 16. We probably had hundreds of them. I laughed every time you called and asked me "So, how's your love life?" I think that was your favorite question! You asked it probably once a month. It probably seems silly to everyone else but I would give a lot to hear you ask that again. I miss you Grandpa! My love life is doing really well! God has healed my heart & I finally feel ready for when He brings someone else along, - I'm also falling in love with the Lord more and more every day! :) And there is NOTHING more precious than that!
Thank you for everything! I love you~
Your granddaughter,

-God, I don't know what ppl in Heaven can or can't see but if You could give him a hug from me & ask him how his love life is now that he's with you? ;)

What are you REALLY afraid of?

This question has been echoing through my mind all week. It was started by a conversation with a friend on the different seasons in life and how God is always preparing us for the next one. I half in jest asked if it was wrong to not want to know what God had next for me. (As in, man the season I’m in now is really tough, I don’t want to know what’s next because I don’t think I can handle it, if this is what He’s using to prepare me for it!) They then asked me; well what are you afraid of? If I could sum it up in one word, it would be the “unknown”. The unknown scares me! I love adventure and spontaneity but I also like some sense of order and a flexible game plan. After giving that answer, they asked me again, ok, well what are you REALLY afraid of? Now I was stumped. I don’t even remember what I replied back with. But for days that simple question has been rolling around in my head; what am I really afraid of? The more I think about it, the more ludicrous it seems… the unknown? Jesus is in the unknown. That is not going to change! DUH! I needed that reminder – He hasn’t brought me this far to leave me here, and that is what faith and trust are all about right? If we knew what the unknown held, we would not need to trust the Lord or faith in Him and we would seek Him a lot less! What a silly fear! Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. I have nothing to fear! Regardless of what the unknown holds –He is there. I am judging Him Faithful who has promised! (Hebrews 11:11) There is so much peace in that. I was reminded that the fear of the unknown is like staying in bed at night when you really have to pee, because there might be monsters under the bed. – By God’s grace I will not be paralyzed by fear but instead embrace this season of uncertainty and unknowns as an adventure with Him; a time when I get to see Him work in big ways!

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I'm a fun loving, people person, with a passion for ministry and the Lord. My greatest desire is to see people come to realize who they are in Christ and how that effects every area of their relationships and lives.I want to know Him more.