Home is Where the Heart is ?!?

If home is where the heart is, than I’m in trouble. My heart is in pieces all over the country. With every goodbye at FLI, I left pieces of my heart behind with the students and staff. As I drove home across the country I talked with or saw a lot of old friends and family on the way through. They too held some of my heart.

The closer I came to home, the more familiar the surroundings became, but the stranger I felt. I recognized them, but did they recognize me? Do I recognize myself? I’m more sure of myself than I have ever been, I learned a lot about who I was in the Lord, so why am I so unsure in the midst of the old familiar? The only consistency I found was change it’s self.

I spent a lot of time at FLN (Where I’ve been working - before FLI) and then even some time in my old apartment. I sat on my old comfy couch and enjoyed the comfort it gave, but it was like simply visiting a friends. It didn’t seem like my apartment any more. I realized that I have been out of that apt as long as I had lived in it before. It’s also been close to 4 years since I moved out of my parent’s house – that will always be ‘home’, but at the same time it isn’t.

Where was my home? Is my home? Who I am doesn’t or shouldn’t change in the light of my surroundings. Is my home spread out all over the country with my heart? There is beauty in that thought, but a lot of pain too.

As I contemplated this, the Lord began whispering to my heart. “Home; IS where your heart is, because I hold your heart; pieces and all.” Peace flooded through me as I chewed on this. Surroundings, states, buildings, apts, the familiar, they are nothing. I gave my heart to the Lord- for Him to hold. He hasn’t let go and won’t as I ride out these emotions.

“even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.”

(Psalm 139:10)

Anyone else here too? In the light of Christmas, if you are not near the ones you love, or not all of them, take heart. He is holding your heart, and your home and resting place is and can be found in Him.

I Learned How to Fly!

How in the world do I put this past semester into words? They escape me. How to explain the deep workings of the Lord within my heart, the refreshing, healing, and the freedom I found? Or the community and friendships developed that will transcend time into eternity?

How about the deeper worldview foundation, and leadership skills that were built; allowing me to challenge and engage the culture around me winsomely with truth? Is it possible to capture and embody what it looks like to learn and live out your identity in Christ? I hope so.

For the past 4 months, I have been drinking from a fire hydrant of information. It will probably take me a lifetime to live out and unpack what I have learned at Focus Leadership Institute, and from working in Focus on the Family’s, Family Ministries Division.

The semester closed with each student giving a 10-minute symposium/speech of the highlights/lessons learned from the semester. Impossible to put 4 months into 10 minutes, but in one word, I found freedom. Freedom through learning what my identity in Christ is and how to use the strengths God gave me, and who He created me to be as a woman. The freedom in balance and boundaries and freedom found discovering that my deepest hurts and brokenness, are really the wellsprings of transformation and passion to live out the Lord’s call in my life.

My prayer going to FLI was that it would be a time of refreshing, challenging, clarity (interpreting my previous experiences), vision and transformation. The Lord answered those prayers in deep ways, though not always in the way I was expecting.
I learned how to let go and have fun again, and yet at the same time I feel as if I grew up in many ways. Balance and intentionality took on new meanings.

I was asked to complete the sentence ‘I am…’ at the beginning of the semester. I wrote – I am waiting for the dawn. In so many ways I had sensed the Lord moving in my life this past year, but couldn’t grasp or define it. It was a cold place of frustration. At the end of the semester, I would still write that ‘I am waiting for the dawn’. But it is a different place of waiting. This is a dawn of hope and bright promise. My slate was wiped clean during my time at FLI. I can’t wait to see what the Lord is going to write on it, in the light of the coming days.

Before a butterfly can fly, they go through metamorphosis (transformation). They break free from their cocoons. At FLI I learned how to fly.

For Today - Called to be Single

I’ve always been very hesitant to write blogs on singleness. But I'm going to be brave and might even write a series of them! Writing on singleness is a taboo thing to do. And if I do write about it, will I be lumped with in with all the desperate needy singles? If you’re not needy, but still have the desire to be married, not talking about it is the easiest thing to do. Why talk about something we want but can’t have, when it only serves as a reminder of it?

The problem is, it IS healthy to talk about it. We don’t need to dwell on it, but talking helps keep perspective and lends encouragement. If you’re single I hope this encourages you, if you’re not, maybe you gain perspective to encourage your single friends. Peek with me through this window?

You can desire to be married and not be ashamed of it, or come across as needy and desperate. For the longest time I didn’t realize this. The Lord has brought me through various seasons of singleness from being completely content to really wanting a partner in ministry, companionship and a family.

What do we do with those desires though? Most singles handle them one of two ways, they either bury those feelings and turn try to turn them off (I’ve been guilty of this) or they become so consumed by these desires that it controls and rules their life. They start to become the desperate single.

There has to be a middle ground somewhere! How do we live a healthy fulfilling life, while still having the desire to be married? We’re not supposed to stuff the feelings – God’s design is for family, but we’re not supposed to dwell on them either. Do they sorta just sit in our minds like a nagging itch? That doesn’t sound very exciting either!

I recently heard the phrase that has become an answer to those questions for me. It is: ‘ For today, I’m called to be single’. That blew my mind. Here is the balance. We don’t need to stuff the feelings or dwell on them, but we can learn to live with them. One day at a time. Some day, hopefully we will get married, but in the mean time, we are called to be single. But for now, He has a purpose, plan and timing just like He does for every other season. If your in the single season than you are called to it for now, for today. So get excited! He has called and wants to use me/ us NOW.

So the next time someone asks me “you seem like a nice person, why are you still single?” I’ll simply say, “For today, I’m called to be single.” Instead of what usually runs through my head along the sarcastic lines of - “because I eat small children! Why do you think I'm still single?"

Be careful too of comparing yourself to others. I fall into that trap at times. I’ve had quite a few very close friends get married, or engaged in the last two months. More of my close friends have someone than not. It’s so easy to start complaining and feeling lonely and left out. The Lord really convicted me of this; “But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.” 2 Cor 10:12 Wow. How often do I compare myself with my friends and wish for what they have? The Lord has me and (maybe you) on a different path. For today I am called to singleness and need to focus on that and be thankful for the opportunities He has given me.

I can deal with singleness if there is a purpose to it. God isn’t finished with you or me yet in this season if we are still single. He hasn’t given us this season to waste. How can we live intentionally to make the most of our single years? Yes, we will still get lonely at times but we will in marriage too. Marriage isn't an end all either, but simply another season the Lord will have us walk through. There will be challenges there too. :)

Rick Warren says it best: "Longing for the ideal while criticizing the real is evidence of immaturity. On the other hand, settling for the real without striving for the ideal is complacency. Maturity is living with the Tension” – How are you living with the tension?